shades of grief

what a depressing post title...wow! i should explain myself.

little sprite it growing up so quickly. changing in what seems like leaps and bounds each day. her latest trick is to smile like a goon when i come to get her in the morning. how can that not melt my heart?!?

despite all the wonderful things that have been happening in our life i've been quite emotional the last few weeks. last night travis and i talked and i fought back tears and tried to explain to him the complicated mess that my heart has been in lately. and God granted him insight into what i couldn't explain and he told me, "you are grieving the end of your pregnancy".

lightbulb moment!

i LOVE that little sprite is here. i LOVE spending my days with her. i LOVE seeing her change and grow. i LOVE the snuggles and sloppy "kisses".

but oh how i miss the physical closeness of pregnancy. i miss the unconscious rubbing of the belly in response to a kick that only my heart felt. i miss laying in bed with my hand cradling the little life inside of me. i miss the aches and twinges that my body made as it made room.

these may just be the rantings of a hormonal mother, but this is where i'm at this moment :)

and grief is okay...as long as we don't dwell in it.

earlier this week i was reminded of something i was told a long time ago, that God gave women a special language - tears! what we think is a slobbery, wet, red-faced mess God understands. sometimes the only words i can express are tears and that's okay.

tears are the balm of the soul. they are a special gift. we should never be ashamed of them.

m.