this post brought to you by....procrastination

I'm in need of some cathartic blogging. I'm sitting in a very noisy cafe by the library and am simultaneously eavesdropping on other people's conversation, hearing loud construction noises, trying not to think about running water because I really have to go pee, but I don't want to leave me spot, reading blogs, and of course...procrastinating!

Today is the second last day of classes and I feel relieved. I made it! Only a k a z i l l i o n more semesters to go...I somehow managed to balance full-time school and part-time work, much better that this time last year I must say.

(oh and I graduated this month too - just a dinky diploma)

I must tell you all that I have discovered a place of delight....anthropologie.com. Oh my! I went to this store with Tara in the summer and I feel hard and fast in love with it. 99% of my Christmas list includes items from here...it's like everything I love is here...in one place...oh the joy!

I was very very mad last night when, after cutting 1 red onion, 4 carrots, and 3 cloves of garlic into teeny tiny pieces I poured balsamic vinegar and them instead of olive oil...I love balsamic vinegar poured a some lightly salted, pepper and buttered asapargus, but in curry not so much. So I started all over again and we ate very very late again. Sigh!

I have decided to call Travis "Sir" from now on, which makes him sooooo mad and giggly all at the same time.

...I'm out of random thoughts.

what are your random thoughts.

m

p.s. one last thought - I should post more pictures on here.

second last one - bear with me as I try to figure out what my blog is going to look like...

quiet kangaroo

i have a funny to story to share...

the last 3 months travis and I have been living slightly different schedules because of school and work. He is much more of a night owl than I am, so we tend to go to bed a couple of hours apart from each other. Hopefully that will change this next semester. It's cold in there all by myself for that first little bit! I'm a fairly light sleeper and it drives me crazy to be woken up out of a dead sleep because I have such a hard time falling back asleep.

for the first couple of weeks I would go to bed, close all the doors, and fall asleep only to be woken up by travis bursting through the door, opening to closet doors to lay his clothes neatly beside the clothes hamper...that's another story for another time...

i got a little upset about this and so he tried his best to be quiet. And he did a great job.

last night I went to be and woke up for some reason when I heard him mucking around in the bathroom. He was really quiet and I was thankful for that. He opened the door q u i e t l y and tipped toed and then he slowly pulled the covers back and...

JUMPED
into bed

I think we're making progress...

travleigh

there are a couple posts that are rolling around in my head at the moment, but this is the most important...it's about...

travis

i'm feeling sentimental or maybe I just recognize that I have time to be sentimental and I love that! Life continues to motor on disregarding my desire to stop spinning, but God does stop with me. I don't always recognize this. I have so many thoughts going on in my head that it makes it rather noisy up there that I forget about the still small voice, but it's there, it's always there. Grounding me, reminding me of God's hand in my life.

travis and I were not supposed to end up together. Thankfully we didn't ever meet before that fateful day in November. I was, and still am, a tightly coiled spring. I'm very introverted. I love sitting in my house with a cup of tea, a warm blanket and a good book in absolute silence. Travis is my polar opposite. He is the picture of spontaneity and energy. He lives big and loud, a classic extrovert. We have a closet full of random things that he is just waiting for time to explore; a snowboard, skateboard...one word to describe his life is adventure.

so how did we end up together? Truthfully I have no idea! But God sure did. He knew what we both needed. I needed someone to open doors and lead me outside to see and experience the wonders and excitements of life. He needed someone to draw him down from the clouds and sit aand listen God moving in quiet ways.

i love Travis' zest for life more and more as we grow together. I might not always be a willing participant, but there's no denying that he sees life in bright vibrant colours. I love the way he does things for others in secret and then tells me about them letting me be a part of his mysterious plans. I love that he thinks about things for a long time. Sometimes this does drive me a little bananas, but I always know that all the pros and cons will be thoroughly weighed and measured. I love that knows me better than I know myself. I love that I can tell him my deepest, darkest hurts and also my craziest, joyous delights and he listens to them without judging me. I love how he lovingly transported my beautiful piano all over the city for me and went to so much effort to see that it sits safely in my living room. I feel loved. I love when he puts his arm around the back of my chair at church and we feel complete and I feel so proud to be his wife. I love that he is so good-looking. Seriously good-looking. He makes clothes look good. I love that he gives me this secret look of glee when he wears his favorite red sweatpants around the house that I hate. I love that how he stays home with me and reads because he knows that I need the quiet and the space, but he does it because he loves me.




i love my husband and he loves me. everyday is and will be an adventure. the two of us side by side watching and waiting to see what God does in our lives next.

m

fi and travis

...I would move to NZ in a heartbeat...

they have fjords there!

and glaciers...and beaches...

no way jose

you know that you have moved too many times in your young married life when after 6 months of living in your nice apartment your husband is asking you every second day if the two of you can move overseas....seriously he's suggested Ireland, Scotland, England, Africa among others all in the last two weeks. It's driving me crazy!!!!!!! I like my little apartment :)

ode to sandwiches

oh how I have missed you
you tasty little treat
lunches are no longer
easy to make when I'm in a hurry

you been replaced by rice - cake and crackers
which lack your tasty bites
i dream of bacon, brie and apples
when I'm crunching through a healthy snack

bread without of flour is lacking
taste and flavour and yumminess
bread made from rice tastes like
cardboard and well, rice!

a subway just went in down the street
and oh how I wish I could eat
a cold cut trio with parmesan cheese bread
at least then I would feel fully fed

SIGH!

love of literature

three blogs in a week...I'm on a roll!

I can't help blogging about a book that I recently read. Melissa, you asked me ages ago what good books I'm reading, none of stuck out to me as much as this one...



...The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society

You're probably all think "WHAT"?!??! I know the title is odd, but don't let that scare you away. This book is phenomenal. My friend Marion recommended it to me (we enjoy talking books). It is set just after the end of WW II, in the mess left behind. The whole books is letters sent between Juliet, the main character, and people she encounters in her life, specifically the members of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society.

I'll be honest I can get really emotional reading books. Much to my husband astonishment I have cried reading the written word. This book will leave you weeping on one page and laughing out loud on the next. It's poignant, reflective, shocking, and at the risk of using a buzz word, "authentic".

GO PICK IT UP AT CHAPTERS TODAY!!!

just kidding...no really...GO!

m

rewrites by Cameron

Later that evening when Nancy Drew went to get a chewy caramel from her plastic pumpkin, there was nothing there!!!! She noticed the Old Man sneaking away with lots of candy.

So she said, "hmmmmm. I wonder what that Old Man is up to now?"

So, she snuck up the stairs behind that Old Man but she didn't really recognize him. She noticed that he sorta looked like he was wearing a mask and there was a little brown hair hanging from the bottom.

So Nancy Drew thought "hmmmmm. Maybe there is this young man that um is pretending to be my friend the Old Man for then when I do meet the real Old Man he'll be in trouble because I'll think that he did it!"

So, she followed that Young Man and the man turned around and said, "Oh whatever." So Nancy Drew ran after the Young Man who was only 3 three years old and she took the mask off, took all his candy and she um sentenced him to go to his room.

And....Nancy Drew decided to eat all the candy without the Old Man. So now, Nancy Drew is in TROUBLE!!! And since she's older she might have to go to prison. And the Old Man is sneaking behind her the whole time and he's throwing the candy wrappers at her.

So then they both looked at each and they both said, "You are under arrest!" So, Nancy Drew decided that she um would hmmm steal the rest of the candy from the town. S the Old Man said, "hmmmm why don't I help Nancy Drew to get all the candy from the town." And Nancy Drew said, "I love you to help me." And then another Old Man came up behind Nancy Drew and handcuffed her and pushed her on the ground. So, the Old Man who was helping her handcuffed the man who was handcuffing Nancy Drew. And he put them both in prison. And he walked away.

THE END

Nancy Drew and the secret of the missing candy

One day Nancy Drew discovered that people were putting pumpkins out on their front porches and that large masses of candy were disappearing from grocery stores (she also noticed that some grocery stores were putting up these strange decorations that had leafy boughs and twinkling lights...TOO SOON!).

She decided to meet up with her friend the Old Man and search for this missing candy. First though they decided to create a robot pumpkin to protect their house from scary Halloween ghouls. It was an amazing little pumpkin with hammock hooks for ears and screws for teeth and eye balls.







After roasting some pumpkin seeds and reminiscing about how Nancy's grandpa used to roast her pumpkin seeds every year Nancy and the Old Man set out to find the candy. They took their special plastic pumpkins with them to hold the delicious treats. Nancy also noted that it is important not to grin for pictures while wearing turtlenecks...it makes her looks like she's been eating ice cream and chocolate for all her meals during the last month.



The Old Man sat patiently in the back seat of the car while Nancy drove them around looking for the candy.



They found LOTS of candy and were particularly happy that their favorite house was once again giving out caramel apples. YUM! For those of you who are gasping in horror that we actually ate a caramel apple that we received during Halloween, please note that we do our detectiving in a VERY safe small neighborhood where everyone knows each other, no rogue candy ever enters our plastic pumpkins.



It was a successful night. We had a ton of fun. Here is another cutie all dressed up!



All you aunties and uncles out there please note that I have the cutest niece. Hands down!

m

defeat

Every once and a while I just feel defeated. It's often not the big things that make me feel this way, but the little ones. This week has been busy as usual, good, but these little events have happened that I make me feel defeated.

I'm not going to go into what happened because it reality this moment, this week, will pass. I just need to remember that

God's mercies are new every morning

and

God's grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in my weakness

...great is thy faithfulness

m

we love running!

This weekend we were off to PEI with a bunch of our friends! Travis ran the half-marathon with a couple other guys and Jenn and Sheilagh ran the 10km. Travis did very well for his first attempt and one of our friends Ian won the half-marathon. I had a ton of fun cheering most everyone across the finish line.



Optimistic and ready to go!
Jeff, Travis, Sheilagh,Jenn, Jenn's friend, and Mike


Here comes Travis...


No pain no gain Travis!


Post-race

Watching everyone made me anxious to train again for next year.

cape breton

I'm at home today with a terrible cold, so I thought what a perfect time to write blog.

We went to Cape Breton this weekend and it was so incredible. I took a bunch of pictures but I'm not sure they do the scenery justice. We stayed at our friend's cottage. I love driving to the boons to a cottage and then spending the weekend reading a good book. That is food for my soul.


View from the lookout


sooo windy!


You can barely see it, but that Alexander Graham Bell's house way over there - neat!


The other lookout. Wind + long hair = funny pictures!


The backyard of the cottage. How awesome is it to wake up to that!


Turkey :)


We were inducted into an East Bay tradition - ice cream at the Tasty Treat!




I hope your week is filled with less boogers than mine! Gotta love the first cold of the season.

m

delight

Many of you know that I have had the privilege over the past 9 years (can you believe it!) to be a nanny to many different families. Right now I'm working for an awesome family, that coincidentally Travis also works for. Great for carpooling. So far it's just me and Anneke, but another little one will make it's arrival in the new year. Anneke is hilarious. She chatters pretty much none stop and will repeat that same phrase over and over and over again, until you acknowledge it and a simple "uh huh" does not suffice. You have to repeat what she says so that she knows you are listening :)

Check out her latest passion, storytelling.

wrestling

I've been thinking about Genesis 32 a lot lately.

I was up until 1 o'clock in the morning one night this week walking through it.

I was encouraged, but also struck with the reality of what happened. Jacob was trying to control everything in his life. He thought he had is all figured out.

He wanted to reconcile with his brother, but he wanted to do it...on his terms.

So, he sent someone ahead to tell Esau that he was coming. I suppose hoping that Esau would have time to work through his issues before he arrived. But Jacob's plans are thrown out of whack when Esau decides to meet him halfway. He's rushes around trying to cover his butt. He asks other people to act as a buffer for him, rather than just get it over and done with.

He even resorts to hiding away his family the night before the meeting.

He is alone with all his fears.

He falls asleep that night and an angel meets him and they wrestle until morning. Jacob holds his own. He fights with all that's within him and is able to hold the angel back. I would consider that a pretty amazing feat considering that he's fighting an angel.

The angel, seeing that Jacob is putting up such a great fight, disables him with one touch, but Jacob keeps fighting. That's some tenacity right there.

Before the angel leaves Jacob insists that he bless him. Jacob doesn't specify how he wants to angel to bless him. Maybe he was hoping that the angel will give him a blessing that will help everything to go well with Esau. But the angel's response changes everything.

"And he said to him, 'What is your name?'"

jacob 1. supplanter 2. he deceives 3. he grasps the heel 4. he cheats

That's a loaded name! Jacob was given that name for a reason and has fulfilled this name up to this point. Can you imagine how embarrassed Jacob must have been when the angel asked him his name? He knew what the angel was getting at. He knew what he would have to reveal. But do you realize what is happening here? The angel is giving Jacob an opportunity to turn his life around.

He's offering a clean slate.

Jacob is given the name Israel.

israel 1. he strives with God or God strives 2. he struggles with God

In his struggle with God Jacob prevailed. This isn't about winning or losing it's about being in a relationship with God.

He was striving with God AND God was striving with him.

God was engaged in what was going on in Jacob's life. Jacob did prevail against the angel and he survived, but he was left with a constant reminder of that struggle. He would walk with a limp for the rest of his life. All he had to do to be reminded of God's grace in his life was to take one step forward. whoa.

I walk around like Jacob a lot of the time. I'm trying to be in control of what is going on in my life. I like to think that if I can fix everything that is wrong with me and get my ducks in a row then everything will fall into place. I'm foolishly confident in that control.

Then I have a week, like this past one, where I wrestle. I'm struggling. I'm throwing punches. I'm yelling and screaming. I'm crying. I'm letting God know that I'm not going down without a fight. Then he reminds me in the most loving way possible of who I am and how much I need his grace in my life. He reminds me of my "hip" and it hurts. It hurts so much. Hurt flooding to every fibre of my being.

But in those moments of mind numbing pain, I remember who God is.

God is God.

And I think how sad it is that it takes utter brokenness to remind me of God's presence in my life. His love. His tears. His brokenness for me.

God lets us prevail. He strives along with us. He's hurt too.

But sometimes we're too prideful to see that God is giving us the opportunity to choose his help. He doesn't want us to get hurt any more than we do, but He can't begin a work of healing within us if we don't let him in. If we don't ask.

There is a lot of healing that needs to take place in my life. More than I'm willing to admit. I would rather turn around, face the other direction, and hope for a clean slate, hope that I don't face the same obstacles.

I would rather whitewash the walls of my heart, then break them down. But I need to let God break down those walls because the longer I put it off the deeper that pain gets hidden inside me and the harder and more difficult it is to be healed.

Instead of seeing our "hips" as crutches reluctantly reminding us that we need God. Why not see them as intricate reminders of God working in our lives because if we're really honest with ourselves those "hips" are times of pain, but also times of peace and grace. Those are the times when we drew so near to God that we thought "Why did I ever leave his side?" But for some reason all we remember from those moments is the pain. We let the pain cover over the peace and grace.

Let the healing begin.

life is good??

Life is good, so why do I feel so broken.

School is good. I love my courses, it's busy, but I get to learn and read books!! I started a new nanny job, which I get to do at my house (sooo awesome!) and the little boy is hilarious and takes super long naps. I'm back with Anneke, which is great and I feel clearly that God has opened this door back up.

But I'm a mess. An absolute slobbering mess.

God is still here though. He hasn't gone anywhere and I'm grasping onto that truth and holding on tight.

so tight.