undone

we arrived in BC on sunday. it's nothing short of a miracle that our car made it. it's the same car that we made the reverse trip in 5 years ago, although now it's about thisclose to have 400,000 km logged on it. after a week on the road i was more than ready to stop spending 10 hours a day cramped in a car, not something i would recommend for anyone let alone one that's growing a child. my swelling is finally starting to recede.

i'm thankful that we are safe and sound with sprite.

but i'm so overwhelmed.

to anyone who has sent me a message in the past week and i haven't responded i apologize. i will get back to you, but at the moment i'm completely undone emotionally and physically. we are all having a very hard time adjusting to the massive amount of change that is happening around us. we smile and laugh, but inside it's absolute chaos. little sprite doesn't know what the heck is going on and is acting accordingly. and we are at a loss as to how to explain it all to her, so mommy cries, sprite screams...you get the picture. and we're living in a travel trailer.

that's about all i can muster today.

m.

chaos

my soon-to-be ex-home is a disaster. we move out tomorrow. i'm struggling between being an efficient organizer or crumbling into tears. this is hard. so much is happened here and here we are erasing it all away. i'm very thankful for this home and i will miss is so much.

m.

God I look to you - bethel live

God I look to You
I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You
You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom, You know just what to do

And I will love You Lord my strength
And I will love you Lord my shield
And I will love You Lord my rock
Forever all my days I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forever all my days Hallelujah

hello 3...almost 4am

lately i've been burning the middle of the night oil because...

20 weeks

this little gaffer is a gymnast who is also a night owl.

i've been debating whether or not to put the news of baby #2 out there or just surprise you in october when our family or 3 becomes 4. recently the reality of infertility has hit close to home. we've been very fortunate, but some women i adore have really been struggling and i want to be sensitive to their hurt. so, yes, i'm pregnant. it's a huge part of my life so there's no way i can hide it, but if you need more information than i post send me a message and i'd love to chat :)

i will say this...this second pregnancy is way different than the first. time is flying by and though it's great to be building a little person inside of me i'm not as obsessed about each day passing as i was with sprite. this time around i know what's on the other side of pregnancy and delivery and the prospect of holding this little person is even more exciting this time. plus, i'm chasing a busy toddler around and that means i'm so exhausted most of the time i can't think straight and what mother as the headspace to think about anything when they have a little person narrating EVERY aspect of their day to you and then repeating it over and over and over and over...


in other news...

2 weeks has flown by and tomorrow my parents fly out with sprite back to b.c. when we made the decision to move across the country it just so happened that my parents had already booked a trip out east for my grad and while we love our kid spending 10 hours a day in a car with a toddler sounded like torture so she's been shipped out early. the really cool thing about having visitors during our last few weeks in the maritimes is that we've been happily tagging along as tourists.

bay of fundy - FREEZING!!!!! 

sprite at the hopewell rocks

loving the mud

pushing the rock...if the tide can't move it, maybe i can...

it was rainy, rainy for most of the time mom and dad were here so we made the best and had a picnic inside

at the cottage in marshville, ns - one of our favorite places

good-bye ocean

wildlife park was a huge hit for our timid girl

i can't believe she actually did this...she's terrified of any stuffed animal that even blinks, but no fear of the live ones

sprite's happy face

and now i should try and get some sleep. but first i have to go pee...for the third time...in an hour...

m.

after 10 years and 7 schools i graduated last week and it was great! i am so happy to be done. it was a good journey, but not easy and it is time to move onto other things. when i started my academic journey i was studying music and 10 years later i graduated with a geography honours degree and a minor in english. by far the most defining part of my education was doing my honours thesis, especially having the wondering opportunity to do my research in the gambia. i have a feeling that God is not done with the work he began in my heart while i was there and i'm excited to see how he grows that little seed. 

catching a ride on grandma and grandpa's luggage

my parents were able to fly out and celebrate with travis, little sprite, and i. i distinctly remember standing in a briercrest parking lot scared out of my mind as they gave me hugs, we all cried a bit, and them they drove home. i was 18. now i'm 28 and my dad handed my pink roses after the ceremony, called my "hunbun" and gave me a hug. back then i expected something a lot different for the future than i have now and it took me many bumps in the road to get here, but my mom and dad always supported me, prayed for me, and it was very special to look into the audience and see them there.

and then there's travis. 

many, many times i told him i couldn't do it and he said that i could. it sounds cliche to say it, but i really couldn't have done it without him. when i wavered and couldn't see what God was doing and growing in my life he stood firm. i think one of the greatest gifts in marriage is having a partner who knows you better than you know yourself and travis knew that i needed each moment that i spent in the classroom or studying. i love you travis.

enough of the sappiness...here's some pictures from my grad week.

                                           

i graduated summa cum laude, which i must confess i'm pretty proud about. to recognize all the graduates with distinctions the university held a special ceremony where we received a diploma outlining our accomplishments. this is picture is of me and the president of SMU. this next picture, well...

the official ceremony was help in the halifax hockey arena. and the best part is that having made the auspicious decision to marry up in the alphabet i walked across the stage ninth instead of somewhere in the three hundreds. oh yeah. 

 

my adorable fan club

mom and dad :) 

my mom bought me this awesome dress as a gift - i felt very pretty

me and mini-me (and travis' nose)

m.

mama's day

this little one made me a mama. 

the perfect gift :)

m.

God's plan or God

hello blog friends. it's friday. now that i'm home with sprite the days seem to run together. it's be a transition being home full-time, but we are starting to get in a groove. thank goodness it's spring and we can go on long walks around the neighborhood. i'm soaking in every step of these walks. before we know it it will be time for us to make the trek back west.

every day i can feel the sadness of leaving clinging a little harder and a little longer. for any family that reads this...we are really excited to live closer to you! it's just tough. we've lived here for 5 years, we put our roots down deep because we thought that this was it for a long while and it turns out that it was just for a little while. there is no doubt it our minds that God called us here and there is no doubt that He is calling us back. but i wish i could say that upon deciding to move into this direction everything fell into place, we were wading in peace and never felt more certain about anything in our lives. it's a bit opposite. we stepped out in trust and then God asked for more trust, more faith.

i read this in Utmost a few days ago:

our natural inclination is to be so precise - trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. we think we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of a spiritual life. the nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. consequently, we do not put down roots...to be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow bring. this is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. we are not certain of the next step, but we are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what he is going to do next...leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain of how he will come in - but you can be certain the He will come. Remain faithful to him."

the thought has struck me many times recently that we are all too often willing to trust in God's plan when all he wants is for us to trust him, just him. 

Lord, I need to have a vision of you and not of your plan. you alone are worth following into uncertainty. but i am weak, so weak. my heart and body do the opposite of what i want to do and what i know i should do. help me shift my focus from your plan to you, glorious you. 

m. 

OH MY GOSH I'M ALMOST DOOOOOOONE!

so close, so close...

i defending my honours thesis last thursday and it went smashingly well. i'm am ridiculously relieved that that is off my plate. a few more little things to take care of, but i got my grade and i can move on. it was really exciting to share my research with my colleagues and peers. the subject of my thesis is something that i'm very, very passionate about, which i hope to blog about once all the dust settles.

in other news little sprite is soooo big! she is absolutely hilarious, but also super stubborn, which unfortunately is a characteristic she gets from both of us so we can't blame each other about that one. she is talking a mile a minute and recently became very affectionate and it melts my heart. love that girl!

we are moving back out west. this is a very bittersweet decision for us, but the right one for now. i expect to shed a lot of tears.

i'm leary about adding photos right now because i've heard a few horror stories from other bloggers about their images being used for third parties for less than desirable purposes, so i'm thinking about how much i'll put up here. and with little sprite getting bigger i feel more and more protective of her privacy. so, right now i'm not too sure about the future of this blog. thinking about it a lot. we shall see...

m.

heart. melting.

sorry rest of the world. my kid is the cutest.

m. 

hello procrastination

I'm pretty sure that I already have a post labelled "hello procrastination" in the archives already and it was probably written around the same time of the year that I'm writing this one. Winter semester is the worst for procrastination and I have done so much work this week that I feel entitled to a few minutes of procrastination. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing up the first draft of my long thesis paper. Wait I just got an idea...got to go.

much ado about nothing

Since we lead pretty boring lives pictures make is more exciting. I wish I had more to write about but my mind is preoccupied with my honours thesis, which is really neat and when I'm done I'll post some pics and a description. The absolute best part, phenomenal part, is that I got to sit down with Gambian women and talk about pregnancy and birth, mom-to-mom. It was incredible.

But here's what we've been up to in pics.

m.